If you were to come over for a cup of coffee…..
… I would tell you that yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. Sadly I have been sick all week… so we didn’t get a chance to go out and celebrate or anything. So hopefully this weekend we get out to our favorite restaurant and get to spend some time together. I could fill this with sappy comments on how lucky I am… but I figure… next year is our 10 year anniversary so I’ll annoy you with those then.
… I would share with you on top of me being sick the boys have been sick this week. First Maddux and then Hudson. So it’s been one of those weeks where you feel the need to bleach everything. I wish it was warmer so I could air out the house. Now normally I am all about winter sticking around. And this year isn’t different I have been waiting for snow. Praying for snow. Seriously… guys? Where is the freaking snow? I want my kids to have winters of snowball fights and sledding.. and we had one week of snow? WTH? But today… today I want it to be 60 degrees so I can open the house and remove the sickness. So I don’t understand why the weather won’t just do exactly what I want it to do… 60 degrees today – blizzard tomorrow.
… I would probably share with you a mom confession – I don’t keep all my boys keepsakes. I definitely do not keep teeth. Gross. Or hair… like that clipping of the curl. Nope. I have kept a few pieces of clothing that I think might hold up. And not like the baptism outfit… I am talking like some pretty sweet Star Wars onesies… or Cubs stuff. stuff… that if “vintage” is still cool. Might work. I did put the boys in a few of their dads baby clothes. I kept a bib that was a keepsake for my husband for the boys to use at their first St Joseph’s day. But I don’t keep baby gear… or blankets… or anything like that. Unless it has some extra sort of meaning.. And honestly.. They each have a small tub and Maddux is 7 and his is not even close to halfway full. I don’t keep art projects or homework. I do however photograph them for a coffee table book. But curious… are you keeping all the things? My mom gave me all my stuff at too young of an age. I put my mom on a pedestal 99% of the time. But I am super annoyed that she asked 16 year old me if I wanted to keep the Barbie house my great grandpa built me… and when I said “No, and rolled my eyes at her” she actually threw it out. But here I am… finding myself to be like her and not wanting to keep all the junk. I photograph like crazy… and have journals filled with letters to the boys.. But I don’t keep too many tangible items. Where do you fall on this topic? Do you think I am crazy? I mean I keep a few things here and there… but that’s it.
… I would probably tell you that Hudson has started talking up a storm. He is still stubborn and won’t repeat words on demand but he’s listening and paying attention and I will find him saying those words to himself in his bedroom or to Maddux. He just refuses to do it for me. Stinker :) He loves playing light sabers with his brother and now when Maddux strikes him he falls on the floor and pretends to die and it cracks me up because he mimics every single thing Maddux does. Their little friendship is the best thing I have ever been a part of.
… I should mention that we are keeping the boys action figures. Well the cool ones … or I guess the ones that Jerry says are cool. So we have these Imaginext sets for Maddux that he has been collecting for year. He is hitting that age where he is almost too big for them. He plays with them still here and there but its definitely fewer and father between. But rather than passing those down to Hudson, we are going to box up the ones that we think he might want for his kids… so mainly just the Star wars and superhero ones. But Maddux hasn’t played with action figures yet too much…. just these Imaginext characters. I thought they would lead into the action figures … but so far… he hasn’t really latched onto that yet. So maybe it wont happen? We seemed to have jumped into this Nerf gun/lego phase – and I am not sure where it goes from here.
… So I have decided I am going to start running a “Mom Friend Test”. So if we have a play date I am going to pull out a box of Mac and Cheese… Kraft. Not organic. I am talking blue box and all it’s processed food goodness… and then judging by that reaction I will know if I can truly be friends with this person.. .if these play dates will work. I have a friend that I text often…. and then a mutual friend that preaches organic blah blah blah. Then my other friend starts questioning her decisions because of this loud voice of another. Through no fault of her own. I really chalk so much of this up to the first time parent thing. I feel like we are harder on ourselves with that first kid… we have something to “prove” and then the second one comes along and then we realize how crazy we were with the first and we chill the hell out. Do you feel like that? I mean I am all about the kids eating healthy. My kid is adamant on having a fruit and a vegetable in every lunch we send him. One time… Jerry sent Maddux to school with Oreos, peanut butter and jelly, and animal crackers… Maddux came home so upset and told Jerry “You are a health teacher, you should make healthier lunches” But I honestly believe my kid is A. A freak of nature or B. Because we don’t harp on it. We have healthy options and Jerry and I choose the healthy options and the kids see that. My kids try a lot… and it’s not because we ask them to but its because they see us eating it and talking about how good it is.. .so they want to try it too. And that is just what works for us. I get that doesn’t work for everyone. Maddux will not try a mushroom. Refuses. No matter what dramatics I put behind how amazing it is. So the kid has his limits. Hudson – has proven to be different. Now he doesn’t eat meat too much either. He will clear out his fruit and veggies and not touch the meat on his plate. But the kid will eat French Fries like its his job. And I am cool with that.
… I think I get stuck in this little triangle because it’s two first time mom’s that constantly question what they are doing. And constantly feel like they have something to prove. And I think we all start out that way. But I honestly feel like once your kid hits a certain age and/or the next one comes along… you realize you are doing just fine. I get the mom guilt. I really do. I have my bad days. And there are days where I could have more patience and more understanding… and I could get on the floor more and play more. There are all types of things I could do better. But I could do that in ever aspect of my life right? I could clean more… I could cook better meals. I could serve my family three course meals. I could take more time to get ready. I could see my parents more… I mean honestly… so much more I could be doing right? Why do we focus in on ourselves as moms?
… But I see all these blog posts about mom guilt. and I get it. I really do. But I can’t be the only one out there that honestly just feels like I am doing fine? Does anyone else get annoyed by the mom that reads the internet and lets the internet tell her what is healthy for their kid and what is not? I mean I am sorry.. if your doctor says “No, don’t give them that” well… I listen. But that’s another topic I guess. I wont get started on. But I honestly feel good about myself as a mom. I don’t beat myself up. If there are days where I lose my patience… Do I stop and think “I could have handled that better…” Of course I do… but tomorrow is a new day. I don’t worry that I am screwing up my kids or they are going to go to therapy because mom lost her shit because she had to say put your shoes on 8 too many times when we were already 5 minutes late for Sunday service. I look at my kids and they are happy… healthy… and they know they are loved. And I think… “I am doing a good job.” But sometimes with the internet… I feel like I am supposed to feel guilty. That one friend said… “Don’t you feel guilty for yelling at your kids??? Have you tried talking in soothing tones???” And when I got done laughing hysterically. I said… No I don’t feel guilty. Sometimes my kids are buttheads and they need to be yelled at… and then it happened. That look of horror… I called my kids buttheads. And instead of feeling guilty… I silently thought to myself… Let’s have this conversation in 3 years and see where you stand on that butthead comment.
… I will also mention in full disclosure I don’t have too many mom friends. Well I have a few.. But they are busy … like me and we text and say “lets get together…” and then we never find the time. Which happens… but I hit the jackpot with a mom friend over at a place I worked at a few years ago. And I hold onto her for dear life. Seriously. Her daughter is crazy well behaved…. Sweet… smart.. And pretty much perfect. Her and Maddux get along GREAT. And to top it off she is a low maintenance mom. And I feel like we just… accept each other. No judgment… and it’s pretty much the best friendship situation you could ask for as a mom. When deciding to leave that company… I struggled over leaving her. She has no idea… and it’s something me and Jerry had so many talks about… and how that fit into our lives. And I was worried it would change and take away from Maddux… and honestly.. My sanity. Because we need that friend in our lives. And I have come to find out… those friends are hard to find. The friends that literally are there to hang out and talk about life… not to compete with you or compare children. It probably works out so well because I adore her daughter so much. There is not competition… no backhanded comments… no judgment. Just two friends laughing about ridiculous things kids do… comparing terrible stories. We don’t give each other the highlight reel on motherhood. We talk about the good moments.. the bad moments… the “what were you thinking” moments of being a mom. It helps out that she has an older son… so when I give her stories on Maddux she can relate back to her son and share stories. She never gives advice directly. and even if I ask her for advice… she’s hesitant and careful. And I think only for the reason of she truly believes you just do what works for you… and you figure it out as you go. But watching her with her kids… for me is advice. That’s the best part of mom friends… they don’t have to give you advice. Not the good ones. The good ones you can hang out with and sit with and watch them interact with their kids. You learn from people around you… and I appreciate her so much.
… I love that with her… her son is a cuddler like Maddux. She compares that part of her son to Maddux a lot. And I hope she is right… because her teenage son walks over to her and hugs her and is affectionate with her in front of his teenage friend. and that speaks volumes to me. I hope that my boys are confident enough and … affectionate enough still at that age to do the same. So I am hoping I can hold onto this friendship for as long as possible… because mom friends that make you a better mom… just by being around them… hold onto those. The ones that sit there and support you and just let you be yourself… those are few and far between.
… I would probably tell you that we are actually finally moving forward on the bathroom renovation this weekend. We started a few weeks ago and then we were at a standstill because the guy that is going to be doing a good portion of it got wrapped up with another job. but he is coming by Saturday to start… and I CANNOT WAIT. I am so ready to have a bathroom that I love for once. Jerry and I promised ourselves that we would not finish the basement until after the bathroom was remodeled and it has been HARD. We need the basement for the kids but we get lost in the kids projects sometimes and we really needed this for ourselves. So I am proud of ourselves for doing this for us first. We have a hard time with that balance. We do house projects here and there but for the most part we prioritize around the boys.
… So just a quick update on what is going down around the ranch over the next few weeks/months
- The bathroom is about to start.. but while our friend is working on that…
- Jerry is building the boys a teepee bed (they recently decided they wanted to share a room… so we are working on a trundle teepee bed)…
- Turning our coat closet into a toy storage closet (but still have room for coats when needed)…
- Putting up a barn door on the laundry room (to keep Hudson from playing with the dog food)…
Spring projects coming up once the weather is ready
- frame porch columns with cedar
- replace concrete walkway with pavers
- plant a garden behind the pool
- stain the deck
Do you have a to do list running around the house? have you started thinking about spring projects yet?